Many people say that you meet your twin flame when you’re quite older, however, I was only 16 years old when I met my twin (yet, I didn’t know what twin flames were at the time) and he was 22 years old.
At such a young age, I knew I was intuitively drawn to him in a way that just felt “different.” At the time, we were both pursuing dancers in the industry in Los Angeles, California. Upon our first meeting, he drove me home from a rehearsal and we bonded instantaneously. I was obsessed. We had incredible similarities & synchronicities upon our first meeting, yet after a while of knowing each other, we realized we had tremendous differences as well. We had enough similarities to keep us connected, yet enough differences to open each other’s minds and grow individually. For example, his last name is Bright, mine is Brown. He is black, I am white. On a map, we were born & raised on perfectly opposing sides of the United States coasts. His strengths are my weaknesses, and vice versa.
Innately, I have more feminine aspects about myself within the yin & yang qualities. I am less logical & more “feeling” driven, he is the opposite. To this day, we find ourselves being opposites in the physical world, for example, whenever I am thriving in my career & finance, he is not. Whenever he is dedicated to working out & eating healthy, I am not. Ah, the perfect mirror!
The first thing that felt as if we couldn’t be together was our age difference. He wanted to wait until I was 18 to be together, and I understood. There was an ineffable pull drawing us together, yet another force that felt as if it was keeping us apart. I thought, “what kind of sick joke is this?”
By the time I turned 18, I dealt with immense depression, confusion, awakening and the list goes on. He & I both found ourselves naturally pulled away from our dancing careers. We didn’t understand why, and why it happened at the same time for both of us. Soon enough, we realized that we didn’t support the LA dance industry. In music videos, I was always the hot girl who gave a guy a lap dance pretty much. Most of the mainstream music today is brainwashing, egoic, inauthentic, and I did not want to be dancing with Tyga (just an example) on stage dancing and supporting his messages he, and many artists, share with the masses.
At first, he was the runner. His actions were hot & cold. He distracted himself with many women and I didn’t understand why. I constantly felt like I was not good enough, so I kept chasing him & chasing him & chasing him. Years of this happening on and off, as well as immense evolution in our connection and within ourselves, we still find ourselves along the same path. However, the roles have switched and I now feel as if I’m the runner, something I never, ever thought I’d be!
We’ve been able to find more balance & equilibrium in our connection. Fast forward to today, I am now 21 and he is almost 29. We have lived together for about a year and a half.
If I look at my life, I can see that I have so much to be happy about & grateful for. However, my emotions tell me something entirely different.
Fear & Intuition.
This is what has been my most profound struggle for 2 years or more.
It feels as if there is a force, a pull, or a very strong inner-knowing, that repels me from him. There is no feeling worse than wanting to be with someone with every ounce of your being, yet feeling as though you cannot be with them. There is no logical explanation for this. That’s why this feels so difficult to explain to someone, especially to him. Plain and simple, it’s a feeling.
For years, I’ve asked myself, “Is this my fear or my intuition?”
I’ve come to the conclusion that I believe it’s been both all along.
Fear: The fear feels so deep-rooted that I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly I’m afraid of. I just feel so much fear & anxiety, sometimes from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep.
Intuition: On top of feeling this fear, I have also experienced another subtle feeling; my intuition. For years, I feel as though I’ve denied it. I’ve pushed it down & shoved it to the side. Intuitively, I know that I love him, but simultaneously, I feel as if I’m not ready or it’s not the right time. Nope! I didn’t want to believe it. But it has never. gone. away.
That’s how I know it’s my intuition – the subtle, yet powerful, feeling within my gut.
Here I am on my journey. I may be the runner, or I may intuitively know that I need to heal on my own.
It’s been a mystical journey that bruises your bones but keeps the love alive within your heart. It’s all divinely orchestrated. Grateful for what has come my way and grateful for what will come my way.
I hope this has helped anyone understand their journey or feel connected in some way. Thank you for allowing me to share my story. What a relief!